Sleep Associations and Why They Are the Lightbulb Moment for So Many!

This week, I had a client whose toddler hadn't slept through the night more than twice in over a year. In less than a week, we had her sleeping consistently 10-11 hours overnight by changing ONE THING: her sleep associations! So let's unpack this!

You've probably heard the term sleep associations thrown around before — usually when someone’s trying to figure out why their baby only sleeps in their arms or their toddler can’t seem to make it through the night without a 2 a.m. audience.

Let’s break it down simply: a sleep association is anything your child connects with falling asleep. Think of it as the “recipe” their brain learns for sleep. Maybe it’s nursing, rocking, a pacifier, a hand on their back, or white noise. These aren’t bad things — they’re just part of how your child’s body and brain have learned to doze off.

“If it ain’t broke…”

Before we go any further — let’s set the record straight. If your baby or toddler is sleeping great and you’re happy with what’s happening, you do not need to change a thing. Truly. There’s no sleep police coming to tell you that rocking your baby to sleep at bedtime is “wrong.”

I always tell parents: if it’s working for your family, it’s not a problem.

But… (and you knew there was a “but” coming)…

The Sleep Cycle Plot Twist

Here’s where things often get tricky: how your child falls asleep is usually how they’ll expect to fall back asleep when they wake between sleep cycles — which happens every 30–60 minutes for infants and every couple of hours for older babies and toddlers.

So, if your child falls asleep being rocked, they’ll likely want that same rocking when they wake at 2 a.m. If they fall asleep holding your hand, they’ll look for your hand again in the middle of the night. It’s not manipulation — it’s muscle memory. Their brain says, “Wait… where’s the thing that helps me fall asleep?” It would be the same as if we fell asleep on our pillows only to find it gone a few hours later. We couldn't return to sleep without it either!

When those associations are things you can repeat easily all night long (like white noise or a lovey), great! When they require you every single time — that’s usually when families start feeling stuck.

Why This Matters (and When It Doesn’t)

If your child is well-rested and you’re fine with how sleep looks, you’re golden.

Seriously. Pour yourself another coffee and move on.

But if you’re spending hours each night recreating elaborate sleep rituals, or if bedtime feels like a high-stakes performance, that’s your cue that the sleep associations might need some tweaking.

The goal isn’t to eliminate comfort — it’s to create sustainable sleep habits your child can use on their own. Think of it like teaching them to ride a bike on their own instead of always pedaling it for them. You can still run alongside and cheer — you just don’t have to do all the work.

Bottom Line

• Sleep associations aren’t the enemy. They’re simply patterns.

• If it’s working, keep it. Don’t fix what isn’t broken.

• If it’s not working, adjust it. Help your child learn to fall asleep the same way they’ll need to fall back asleep — independently, confidently, and without panic at 2 a.m.

Because the goal isn’t “perfect” sleep. It’s sustainable sleep — for everyone.

Not sure where to start or what your child's sleep associations are? Let's work together to figure it out! Head on over to my booking calendar and let's get started today!